I was supposed to be driving to San Francisco today! I'm ... not. Instead, I'm sitting in my not-nearly-as-empty-as-I'd-hoped apartment and my not-even-remotely-close-to-finished van parked on the street convincing myself that writing a blog post is an "active break". There's just so much stuff. The more I get rid of, the more there seems to be. I've skipped working on the van so that I can just get out of my apartment in time. Yesterday, as I was doing the mental math of how quickly I could drive to San Francisco if I left a couple days later (I have to be out there on Saturday for a gig), it started to feel like the bargaining one does after hitting the snooze button.
"If I get up at the next alarm, I can brush my teeth in the shower and I should only be 5 minutes late... BRRANGH BRRANGH BRRANGH *slap* If I get up at the next alarm, I can skip shaving and take an uber to work, and I should only be 15 minutes late... BRRANGH BRRANGH BRRANGH *SMACK* Okay, I can just skip a shower this morning, and hopefully no one will notice that I'm 30 minutes late... BRRANGH BRRANGH BRRANGH *THWACK* Okay, if I buy a van and move into it, I can just quit my job."
Except instead, I was figuring out how many hours per day I would have to spend driving per day, and how frenzied I would be "packing" (read: "shoving into anything that looks like a box") everything into storage, or just throwing everything left on the street and setting fire to it. So, in an unlikely moment of giving myself some leeway (I'd already had the fight with my brain about how I'm literally the worst human being in history because I didn't hit my original deadline of leaving on Saturday. We came to the compromise that I'm only like, the 4th or 5th worst human being in history), I bought a ticket to SFO with frequent flyer miles so that I can go do the job I said I'd do, and have an extra couple days to finish getting out of my apartment.
And then, instead of beating myself up again, I just felt a little bit better. It was the right thing to do. I realized that I had abandoned my original plan of just wandering west from Chicago, leisurely hitting up national parks along the way, and instead, I had planned a whole itinerary to spend the next five months visiting friends and family across the country. I had already lost sight of a really big part of what felt so wonderful about this adventure, and started trapping myself in a plan of minutiae.
Now, I'm actively trying to stick to the new plan: have less of a plan.
That's it for now, I originally wanted to wait until I had some actual Trav Being In A Van content before I made another blog post, but it's been two weeks, and this feels like a pretty important step in the adventure, so I wanted to share. I swear, I'll have more content in the future that isn't just my blathering, anxious thoughts. And I apologize if this is poorly written and doesn't make much sense, I really have to get back to packing.